Boredom and self loathing

Well today's been a major bore. I have done shit all. The high point of the day was having a 2 hour bath.... doesnt that just sound boring in itself?
I got a 14 hour sleep so that was good, but thats about it. I sat on the net and played some online game for a while and I was on MSN but no one was online, or talking really. Sucked alot.
I'm getting really depressed about myself. And I don't know why. I just dont like anything about me, and it sucks. I'm scared of loosing Luke coz he'll think its some sort of attention seeking thing, and I am NOT like that at all.
Others probably think that I am jsut bitching for attention aswell. I hate it all. My home life sucks there's never anything to do unless other people are here. Mums never home either, she lost her job. She's never home, she's out with her sister visiting my dying uncle... he has a brain tumor. It sucks, she's always out now and I'm normally home alone. I dont like being alone. it scares me sometimes, not being alone just the fact that there's no one to talk to or anything. thats why if anyone see's me online alot, thats why I am.
Mums always complaining I am online too much, but I dont see any other way to contact people. My mates arnt really phone people, and they arnt allowed out much, if I'm not already out with them all the time.
I dont know what to do any more. I cant wait to go back to school. To be around every one again. Shall be good. Will someone explain to me why I am all down on myself? please?

Candy
xoxoxo